When You Get There - lyrics critique

by Brian
(Indiana, USA)

Hi. I wrote this for my 8-year-old daughter, who is certain she will be among the first group of astronauts to travel to Mars. And you know what? I pretty much think she's right.

What I'm looking for is threefold. One, does the emotion come through for a stranger like it does for me? Two, does the rhyme scheme seem cohesive? And three, am I beating the whole "space" motif to death? Am I overdoing it? Also, of course, any other criticism or recommendations is more than welcome.


Everyone
Watches as you're racing
Across the sun
They can't avoid the glare
None of us
Sees that star approaching
It's nebulous
It could be anywhere
There's no rush to know where you'll set down
You'll know you've found your home when you get there

All the while
You run those rings around me
You should smile
And orbit me aware
That I'll be
The planet to your moon
The gravity
For the well we share
Your trajectory's chaotic but
I'll still be right behind you when you get there

Watch out for asteroids there
Cyborgs and evil droids there
Black holes and empty voids where
You're alone
Collect some stardust for me
Though solar winds get stormy
Nothing you do could floor me
Even make it

On your own
Discovering it all
The great unknown
Make us all aware
I'll be hanging on your every word
So tell me all about it when you get there