The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo

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The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo

by L
(SC, USA)

The Pain (need help with song title; any other suggestions welcome)

They say it gets easier
As time goes by
They say you start to forget
But I keep wonderin' why

The pain is still here
Burning in my heart
I'm just trying to survive

The world moves on
With or without me
I work hard to stay alive

(Chorus)
BEcause he's gone
because he left
i'm here all my myself
he's up in the sky somewhere
watching over me
But I need him here beside me

But what nobody tells you is that the pain not only stay
It gets harder every day
With each and every hour
The pain keep gettin' stronger
I need someone to come take it away

The pain is still here
Searing my heart
I'm just trying to get by

Everybody else goes on with their daily lives
Whether or not I survive
I'm working hard to stay alive

(Chorus)

BEcause he's gone
because he left
I'm here all alone
He''s an angel up in the sky
Helping to keep my faith alive

They say it gets easier
AS time goes by
They say you start to forget
But I'm realizing...
It's all just a lie

Comments for
The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo

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Dec 08, 2008
Rating

cool
by: Sweetie

Great lyrics:) Suffering for title, u can maybe use "hurt". I love the lyrics:)

Dec 08, 2008
Rating

Thanks!
by: L

Thanks so much! I appreciate it!

Dec 09, 2008
Rating

WECOME
by: Sweetie

U'RE WELCOME. I WRITE LYRICS TOO AND ALWAYS PROBLEM WITH CHORUS AND RHYMING.

Dec 16, 2008
Rating

Check it out...
by: Gregory Alan Cotter II a.k.a. Th Broken Child

The song is awesome, really deep and yet so hardcore. If you'd like check out my song "I'm not done with you" and "Alone". As for the title of this song, I'd go for Never Forgotten, or Suffering.

Jan 21, 2009
Rating

Like it
by: oceansoul

Really nice and sentimentally. I like it, good work :)

Mar 17, 2009
Rating

song title
by: John

firstly, great song!!! :D also, a good title would be "one more day, one more hour"

Apr 28, 2009
Rating

Title
by: Trapper

Nice Lyrics.

I think "They say you start to forget..." is the strongest hook in the lyric, so that should be your title.

May 01, 2009
Rating

Great song
by: Kayla

This is a great song.The lyrics are beautiful.Keep writing.For the title,maybe you could call it "I Need Him" or "Because He's Gone." My title probably suck!Haha!

May 01, 2009
Rating

great lyrics!
by: Anonymous

this song could touch so many peoples hearts. The title could possibly be, not a day goes by? i think thats what i would name it. Other than title, great song all around!

May 08, 2009
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Great job!!=)
by: Anonymous

Great sentimentality/imagery! Keep up the good work! I write songs, too & find problems w/rhyming

Aug 10, 2009
Rating

wow
by: Anonymous

i started singing this straight away had everything in my head

good writing

Sep 18, 2009
Rating

Good
by: Nora

Good song, very emotional a good title can be "Forget"

Oct 24, 2009
Rating

I LOVE IT!
by: Anonymous

I love it! I might only be 13 but i would totally listen to it over and over.

Nov 15, 2009
Rating

"hard to stay alive"
by: Ryan Roy Branch

you should call it "hard to stay alive" ,i know its not a lyric in ur chorus but thats the message of ur song as i see it very good lyrics from the heart like they should be

Feb 01, 2010
Rating

title suggestions and comments
by: Writer

Title suggestion: Gone, Im Alone, Alone, Without You, Pass Me By, Still Broken...............idk

ur song is touching and sadning, which makes it really good if the audience can connect w/ it. and most important im sure everybody understands it.
keep writing, it helps the pain a lot to let it out on paper.

Mar 27, 2010
Rating

I like it!
by: Dan P

The lyrics are great! You tell a great story. If you are looking for a title, try grabbing somethig from your chorus like "In the Sky". I wrote a song once that didn't include the title in the song even, And nobody can remember what it's called. Because it's my art capturing that particular moment in time I kept it as is, but I learned my lesson.

May 11, 2010
Rating

nice...
by: Bree

ok, it was a nice song dont' get me wrong but it was a little too...simple. I didn't really feel pain when i read it and that's what song writing is all about...feeling the pain!

Sep 27, 2010
Rating

Pain (It Never Goes Away)
by: Jon

Your theme and expression are something I think anyone who has had experiences similar to could identify with. I found myself asking "what happened?" because I think the story line was a little weak and this creates some confusion that conflicts with the emotional impact your striving to maintain (e.g. did he die, breakup with you,etc.-the challenge is to let the listener know what happened and the emotional impact it had on you.) Another cardinal rule of having a chorus is to keep it simple and consistant through out the song, as this is the part that will be remembered and best known to your listener. Don't change single words (especially if the mean the same thing) and only change lines or phrases if it is a hook or twist in meaning that adds to the song. I think this song could be spruced up with a few revisions (including correcting spelling mistakes and misprints. It has potential, but songwriting is like raising a child-it requires constant correction and repeated efforts and, unless it is a labour of love, it will drive you nuts. Good Luck.

Nov 25, 2010
Rating

Great song.
by: Anonymous

Great song, good lyrics.It's something everyone can relate to as it made me think of my grandfather who passed away a couple years ago. Good work.

Nov 26, 2010
Rating

Luved it
by: Anonymous

Amazing! i like the title the pain, its so raw and real. Maybe just Pain would be better, but i luv the lyrics, they are so true.

Feb 12, 2011
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Awesome!
by: Anonymous

I love how this song is so real- I think you should stick with 'The Pain'

Feb 20, 2011
Rating

Something more
by: Marissa

It's missing something. I suggest you put more feeling and words into it. People need to be able to relate to the lyrics. I didn't really feel the pain. You did a good job but give it something more. Good luck! :)

Feb 20, 2011
Rating

@Marissa
by: Anonymous

@ Marissa... Thanks for the input. I do understand what you mean and I'll look into it.
I was just wondering, however, have you ever lost someone close to you?

Feb 20, 2011
Rating

@Anonymous
by: Marissa

Everyone has. So, yes.

Mar 17, 2011
Rating

wow!
by: Anonymous

amazing lyrics, I actually really like the title, if you wanted something else though, how about "because he's gone"?

Jan 25, 2012
Rating

song mojo! NEW
by: Nyx Echoes

I like it. I really like that last part, ' they say you start to forget, but I'm realizing, it's all just a lie'. Though I must admit I'm a sucker for darker mood songs.
I think you should name it with a name, like Richard, Nikolas, or Haydyn, you know what I mean... better yet choose something that means something to you.
Your song has that 'song mojo' already, I'd revise with an extra noun or so, it adds more character to it, but it's pretty good anywyay.

Jan 26, 2012
Rating

title NEW
by: Gabriela

Looking at your lyrics I think, it is best if you name it "he's gone" it's short,simple striaght to the point and at the same time is deep and makes you wonder.
3 reasons:
1. your pain is coming form what?
(him leaving.Because He's Gone)
2. your explaining the afect it made in you when he left.
3. The lyrics inspired by someone who left, is Gone and if he would have stayed you would'nt have wrote this song.
Good luck! Hope I helped and wish you luck finding the title this this great song.
*p.s Don't choose a title your not satisfied with. It's your song so own and be proud of it.

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The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo

Comments for The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo

Comments for
The Pain - Songwriters Lyrics Critique- Ballad with certain parts that get a faster more powerful tempo