The Eye of Your Storm lyrics critique- no genre

[?] Subscribe To This Site

The Eye of Your Storm lyrics critique- no genre

by Lauren Hines
(Grand Rapids, MI USA)

I've never written a song before, so I'm feeling a little out of my league. I'm actually writing this for a friend, so I want it to be good. She's going through a really hard time, so I wanted to equate her situation to a storm. I'm not sure if I captured that well. The second verse might be a little weak. Let me know what you guys think!

The Eye of Your Storm

Verse 1:
Dark clouds spiral in your once blue sky
You try to be strong; you don’t want to cry
Standing outside, the rain starts to fall
You pray the thunder won’t silence your call

Chorus:
I want to be the eye of your storm
I want to be the arms that keep you warm
I’ll stand in the downpour; I’ll stand in the rain
I won’t let you drown in the flood of your pain

Verse 2:
The sky is the darkest shade of night
Damage is shown in the flashes of light
The wind picks up, becomes so strong
Destroys everywhere you feel you belong

Chorus:
I want to be the eye of your storm
I want to be the arms that keep you warm
I’ll stand in the downpour; I’ll stand in the rain
I won’t let you drown in the flood of your pain

Bridge:
The clouds will break; the sun will appear
When you look back it all will be clear

Chorus:
I want to be the eye of your storm
I want to be the arms that keep you warm
I’ll stand in the downpour; I’ll stand in the rain
I won’t let you drown in the flood of your pain

Comments for
The Eye of Your Storm lyrics critique- no genre

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 25, 2009
Rating

SO sick
by: Anonymous

sick sh*t amazing on all levels

Apr 01, 2009
Rating

great
by: Anonymous

this is really good....its so different i dont feel like ive ever read anything similar :)

Apr 01, 2009
Rating

the best
by: d olsen

your song is the best i have to say job well done

Apr 08, 2009
Rating

pro
by: Anonymous

nice...thats pretty much amazing =D i like it

Apr 14, 2009
Rating

borrow?
by: Anonymous

do you care if i borrow these lyrics for my band?

Apr 14, 2009
Rating

Flattered!
by: Author

Wow, i'm flattered by all the comments! Especially being asked to use it for your band! I guess I can't really stop you from using it, haha. I don't want to get plagerized but I don't think I'll ever be making millions off songwriting anyway, haha. So I don't know what kind of band you're in or if you're like getting signed or whatever, but if you do put music to it, I just ask that you send it to me before you play it anywhere :) But seriously, thanks to all of you for the compliments. I've been pleasantly surprised!

Apr 23, 2009
Rating

Borrow?
by: Mallory

Hey this song is so amazing would u care if i borrowed 4 my band i am the lead singer and i need 2 find songs we have a whole bunch but we have sang those so many and every1 loves them but we r tired of singing the same songs i am kinda in a situation where i cant think of anything 2 write about 4 the band so i am tyring 2find a really good song and this on is amazing email me at MallySaysLOL@aim.com if i can borrow it it is amazing

May 01, 2009
Rating

Unbeleiveable
by: Anonymous

this song is by far one of the most amazing song lyrics i have ever heard. If this is truely your first song, you ever wrote, keep it up! you're did great!

May 08, 2009
Rating

Great job!!=)
by: Anonymous

I think you've captured it very well! I wish I was as good as you
Keep it up!!! =)

May 10, 2009
Rating

niice
by: Anonymous

wow this is really amazing and i can't believe its your first time
i really like the way you used a constant metaphor throughout the whole song and i think you symbolised really well
good job keep it up

May 18, 2009
Rating

Just One Thing To Say
by: Kyle

Wow, actually more, you're amazing at song writing.(x

May 20, 2009
Rating

Amazing
by: Anonymous

WOW! this song is AMAZING! I cant believe its your first time.
Well Done.

May 23, 2009
Rating

i like this song
by: lyricistista

this is a really good song but some thing need to change to really get every one attention but i like it your very good

May 26, 2009
Rating

WOW!
by: Anonymous

I have just begun songwriting, and this is far better than mine. WOW! I wish I was that good. By the looks of it, you should never second guess yourself on a song, you are far to good. This is a totally different song, and I would consider showing it to a proffesional, and it would be better if you wouldn't let bands use it, as it is your own, and might have the potential to be a hit! Well done!

Jun 04, 2009
Rating

WOAH!
by: Gage Helms

I'd Have to say, This is probably my favorite song on here. The lyrics, meaning, everything. All stays on subject to the song, The whole song flows together. Wow dude, AWESOME!

ROCK ON!

Jun 06, 2009
Rating

woah
by: M-M-M

these lyrics are beutiful and are put together and come accross so well, i can't believe this is your first song! Seriously keep it up and try and write something everyday because with your skill you've got so much potential!
Wow i am totally, its amazing keep it up :) please?

Jun 22, 2009
Rating

Spellbound
by: Zoey

Wow. I'm completely spellbound. Your song is AMAZING!

Jul 02, 2009
Rating

.
by: Anonymous

Not bad at all.
I'd recommend mixing up the rhyming scheme a bit, but not bad.

Jul 08, 2009
Rating

Wow.. this is a long comment
by: Tom

Now I find this an excellent song, and I rarely say that, but I would like to give a little critique. I agree with your thought the second verse is a little weak- I try to avoid used the same subject matter in parallel lines, i.e. you have sky in both of them. If you are staying specifically with the storm I would try to find something else about the storm to describe. That said, a way to further improve your lyrically aspect of songwriting would be to take what she is literally going through and assign those to aspects of the storm, which makes your song easier to put together and for me, more meaningful. Much better than my first song though! I would love to read more- hammondt@uni.edu

Jul 10, 2009
Rating

wow
by: Anonymous

hey its great...really great...first time? wow! keep writing songs...you sound like a pro already:)

Jul 14, 2009
Rating

Wow
by: Lindz

dude, that was amazing...its the sort of thing I wanna write 4 me mate.....nice 1....

Jul 15, 2009
Rating

from an untrained ear
by: Anonymous

i loved the depth of the lyrics. i like to feel things and i felt the storm. I like for things to cause me to extend myself. i tried to imagine myself in the eye of the storm.

Jul 17, 2009
Rating

AMAZING!!!
by: Lauren M.

wow this song is amazing I mean this has not got to be ur first song u ever made and i luvv it lol

Aug 17, 2009
Rating

got it right the first time
by: Lonnie

great song, you have a gift don't waste it, go after it with everything you've got.

Sep 18, 2009
Rating

Wonderful
by: Nora

Very touching , i liked it a lot you should write more.

Oct 17, 2009
Rating

Excellent effort for first time
by: The Old man

Very good first effort. You are correct about the second verse. You may have reworked it by now since I did not read it until mid October.

The first line of the 2nd verse does not make a lot of sense, since the sky is not a shade of night. Something like "the mid day sky is dark as night"

The 3rd line is a bit weak "The wind picks up" doesn't show a lot of intensity. Try something like "The force of the wind becomes so strong"

And the 4th line. Possibly something like: Threatening the world where you once belonged.

Just some thoughts. Keep working on this and other efforts. You may have a future in this business.

The old man

Oct 21, 2009
Rating

Not Bad
by: Anonymous

The song is not bad for your first attempt. I feel it rhymes too much and some of the phrases are cliche. Keep up the work and keep practicing!

Nov 26, 2009
Rating

WOOOOOW.
by: Anonymous

wow these lyrics are great... i love them they made me shed a tear
great job

Nov 26, 2009
Rating

WOOOOOW.
by: Anonymous

wow these lyrics are great... i love them they made me shed a tear
great job

Nov 28, 2009
Rating

love it. keep up good work. prepare for long comment....
by: Anonymous

i just started and dont know much about techniques in lyric writing or really all the complicated stuff. As a music fan though, i love it. i like these type of songs. full of meaning. which is probably why i hate all those messed up songs out there. but anyways,it is pretty good.
maybe if you study song/lyric writing more, you can be better. well, thanks to you i got a better idea what i bridge is though.
-------------------------------
now for the critisism, get ready
-----------------------------------
the thing with the song is.... well, to tell you the truth, the chorus is good but i dont like hhow it always repeats the same old thing after every single verse, it may just be me or because there isnt music to it, but repitition bores me.

like in the song, synchronicity by yui makino (i mostly listen to japanese songs, mostly from anime.)(if you want to listen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zofjv3-XF60 this address leads to one with translation in description), the chorus is same but a few words different so it avoids repitition and keeps interest.
but again. it may just be me. :)

Nov 28, 2009
Rating

hmmm...
by: Merel

i made a super long comment earlier but forgot to say some things lol.
the lyrics give a deep mysterious feel, but it can be interpereted in different ways. im not sure if thats good or bad though.

if you want to, for example, make sure you give the specific feel that you want, you may change some words, but if you want it to remain kind of general so people can think of it many ways and fit it in their situation, then it is pretty good as is.

wat i mean by seeing it in different ways is simple actually

one may think you are writing about your situation, some may think the song is sort of about love, get the drift?

Nov 29, 2009
Rating

Wow...
by: Anonymous

Great lyrics. I could picture what you were trying to get across, I think. The song isn't confusing, there's no really debating what it's about. I can honestly say I'm jealous of the fact that this is your first attempt at writing a song. I'm getting started too. It'll take me awhile to get to the level of this song. Amazing. Great job...

Dec 05, 2009
Rating

Nice!
by: Writer

This IS a really good song. ur right about Verse 2 tho...maybe just change the 1st 2 lines.
otherwise, job well done. it's hard 2 believe it's the FIRST song u'v written. i'm jealous

p.s.
i think it relates ur friends troubles well 2 a storm and is very easy to understand.

Dec 10, 2009
Rating

good
by: Anonymous

Yeah, it's really good &I think it will really help your friend

Dec 12, 2009
Rating

Please Reply
by: Anonymous

Wow, Do u Mind If i borrow this song to sing at my school talent show?

Jan 10, 2010
Rating

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

I am just begenning as well and I LOVE YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bridge was way beautiful!

Feb 18, 2010
Rating

i love it
by: Sarah

i think the second verse is fine! i really like the idea for the song....its a really strong thought. Actually, that thought is probably going to help me through the hard time im in. i know she going to love this song...its amazing!

Mar 03, 2010
Rating

wow!
by: Anonymous

I love the first verse. it is absolutely amazing!

Mar 07, 2010
Rating

Incredible
by: Anonymous

This is the exact kind of song I would love to write. If you can get good transitions now, it would be outstanding.

Mar 13, 2010
Rating

horrible
by: riorasco

predictable and boring. I couldn't even get through the entire song. Your rhymes don't seem to be very interesting and the whole concept is so overused it's a joke.

People want to hear something new and original. This sounds like you are just trying to imitate songs that everyone has heard already.

It's definitely no hit.

Mar 31, 2010
Rating

Asking to "Borrow" your song?
by: Anonymous

Ok, I am totally new at this, but... Why would you give the "ok" for someone to borrow these lyrics for their band? You should have it copywrited - even if you don't believe in yourself enough to think you'll be sucessful. Protect what you create and believe that it has value. If someone wants to "borrow" it for their band, then someone else will buy it. Quite frankly, I think that it should be an automatic understanding with those that use this website that you NOT borrown anyone else's lyrics. Just my 2 cents!

May 01, 2010
Rating

WOW
by: Anonymous

WOW man, just fucking wow. change the bridge and this could be amazing

Jun 03, 2010
Rating

Something
by: Anonymous

I kinda like it but the "eye of the storm" is the worst part of the strom, you know like the "eye of a hurricane"? So you are saying you want to be the hub of the worst thing that she is going through by saying you want to be the "eye of her storm"?

Get it?

Jun 04, 2010
Rating

eye
by: Anonymous

The eye of the storm is actually a place of calm in the middle of the storm. google it.

Jun 22, 2010
Rating

Wow!
by: alain

Nice, I liked a lot, keep doing nice things! Good luck

Jun 30, 2010
Rating

YES you already know
by: Keith Alan Richards

Very nice and Very unique. Has all the qualities a song about the subject should have and way more. Just awesome wordpower you have going on, really painting the mental image. I do agree with you on Verse 2. I feel lines 2 and 4 are strong and keepers, to my ear its 1 and 3 that feel a little lazy. C'mon with the rest of what you've written I know you are creative enough and have the vocab. let me know

Jul 11, 2010
Rating

Awesome
by: Anonymous

Your song is really good. Great job for your first time. I think your friend will really love it and appreciate it.

Jul 22, 2010
Rating

YES!
by: Anonymous

im trying to write good songs too, when i read this i loved it. I LOVE!! this song!

Jul 27, 2010
Rating

awesome!
by: blackvampire

you're a genius; that was awesome. Looking at all the rhymes in your song makes me wonder about my own...my song has some rhymes, but does every line have to rhyme with one for it to be good?

Aug 20, 2010
Rating

Beautiful
by: Anonymous

You have some very good talent. From start to finish I loved it. For this being your first time it was awesome. You must write poetry. You need to do alot more song writting. You have some potential. Nice write..By the way did your friend like it. If they did I hope they saw the sun light in you.....Keep it up

Aug 31, 2010
Rating

Love the song!
by: Joshua Rhodes

First off let me say that I love the song! The way that i saw the melody in my mind i would only make one change if I could be so bold. I would change the last two lines of the chorus if it were me. Something like this is what I had in mind:

I will stand, in the down poor.
I wont let you drown in the flood, of your storm.

Just a thought, but over all great song!

Sep 02, 2010
Rating

WONDERFUL
by: KristynCountry

WOW!!! I bet your friend loved it! I did and I think you should keep writing! I love songs that compare things to nature. It just gives a better prespective.

Sep 04, 2010
Rating

Love it
by: Jessica

And this was your first song? I must say i really liked it. I myself have never written a song and looking on here for inspiration and ideas on how to write one for my best friend. I have started a tiny bit but no way compares to yours.

Sep 18, 2010
Rating

wow
by: Anonymous

amzing

Oct 05, 2010
Rating

Copywrite
by: Giordi

hey guys
you actually dont need to take a copywrite out so you know.
as soon as the words are recorded in any way (including writing them down) it is the legal property of the author

Oct 27, 2010
Rating

Emotional
by: Anonymous

You can tell how much emotion was put into this song. If this was your first song writing experience I am amazed. Very nice.

Nov 22, 2010
Rating

wow
by: Anonymous

That is so good! That's amazing for a first song

Dec 11, 2010
Rating

Wow!
by: Anonymous

Wow this is amazing!
Who ever you are, keep this up and you'll make it for sure man!

Feb 04, 2011
Rating

Really intresting
by: Anonymous

This just looks like if someone sang it it would flow
beautifully

Mar 13, 2011
Rating

cool
by: Anonymous

its good, keep it up, i liked your use of metaphores

May 25, 2011
Rating

Very good
by: Anonymous

I can relate to this song on so many levels. I am going through a lot of pain right now, and I would love to have someone sing this song to me. Reaching someone is the ultimate goal of a song...you reached me!

Jun 21, 2011
Rating

Great!
by: Anonymous

Very good, I like!

Sep 08, 2011
Rating

great!
by: Anonymous

this is great for you being a first time writer. Keep writing!

Sep 12, 2011
Rating

comment
by: emzhe smith

Wow this song is really good for a first time I love the chorus it nearly made me cry.

Oct 24, 2011
Rating

Pretty good.
by: Jay Black

The concept of this piece is actually quite amazing... I'd really love to hear the music you put to this... for me I put some melancholy music to it while reading it in my head... not too depressing but not at all happy... like the song lack of color by death cab for cutie... however, the rhythm of this piece is a bit off at places... seems too much like a poem and not so much of a song... the lines don't flow as well as you would want them to flow in a song... mostly just in the second verse though... not too bad elsewhere... also i don't like the way the line "destroys everywhere you feel you belong" is read... but the thought behind it captures the entire piece into one subject perfectly... just wish it was worded differently...

Oct 25, 2011
Rating

I want this song
by: Carter

In December i will begin work on producing a blues album with some very talented musicians and we've decieded we'd be interested in your lyrics. Given your permission, and a few minor adjustments were practically ready to record this. Please let us know asap thanks

Nov 29, 2011
Rating

my mind is blown
by: Anonymous

That was a great song and I am inspired by it. However, what if either the the second chorus or both had a little some thing extra added on. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for you seeing as how good it is right now. This is just my opinion guys so don't hate on me i still think the song is great. And you never know maybe i just read the song wrong. Thanks happy writing!

Nov 30, 2011
Rating

Youre really good
by: Anonymous

Awesome, great rhymes and perfect metaphors.

Dec 15, 2011
Rating

On the surface
by: LDR-Anonymous

I agree with most comments the subject matter is good. The rhyming is good. At first glance the hook seems OK but possibly could be improved. With regard to the Chorus although the initial chorus is OK, I think the lyrics could be slightly differing for each subsequent chorus. Just my humble opinion of course. I'm not a professional by any means but have noticed this difference on most all recorded songs I hear. Wish you lots of luck.

Jan 25, 2012
Rating

interesting NEW
by: Anonymous

would sound great if played like a dragonforce kind of style i like it definitly original

Click here to add your own comments