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Speechless lyrics critique

by Bri
(Richmond, B.C, Canada)

This is a song I wrote about this guy at school that I have a crush on. Lemme know whatcha think. Advice or suggestions for changes welcomed/appreciated Here are the lyrics:


Whenever you're around me
I can't help but get tongue-tied
I can't even look you in the eyes
I think about you all the time
Who knows what could happen, if we give it a chance
I guess we'll never know


Cause I'm speechless whenever I'm with you
I can't breathe when you walk by
Why can't I just tell you how I feel?
I'm speechless


When we're together
I stumble on my words
There's so much I wanna say
And I'm wastin' my time
Tryin'to find the words to say to you
To tell you how I feel

Repeat chorus x2
End

Comments for
Speechless lyrics critique

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Nov 01, 2009
Rating
starstarstar 		Comments on your song
by: SCOTT FROM MORAY, SCOTLAND

Firstly I think you should read it 3 times then ask the guy out, you never know...
Its good, comes from the heart, where the best words come from and you can feel the emotion and relate personal experiences to it, I really like this.
Nov 01, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Thanks, Scott!
by: Bri

Thanks for your comment. I have actually asked him out twice and nothing happened =(. The funny thing is, I posted this song before I made the rewrite and changed most of the song, which is a bit better now:

Whenever you're around me
I can't help but get tongue tied
I can't even look you in the eyes
My stomach's doin' backflips
I wish that I could tell you
All that I wanna say

But I'm speechless whenever I'm with you
I can't breathe when you walk by
Why can't I just tell you how I feel?
I'm speechless

There's so much I wanna tell you
But my head can't find the way
For my heart to say what it wants to say
And I'm wasting my time
Tryin' to find the words
To tell you how I feel

Repeat Chorus x2
End

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