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Slinpeal lyrics critique rap/rock song music

by Jack
(Northfield,MN)

Verse 1:
From the outside,
You see skin,
you don't see where my mind even begins,
An apple that, you don't see the core,
If you could understand me you'd be reborn,
Wholeness in me is different then the way that I project,
Peel the layers off and see what you get,
You cant understand a person till you run in their shoes,
To see the core in a soul is a choice you choose,
All that's left is me is my turtle shell,
welcome to hell,
Know expression of self, trapped in a poison well,
Hot water, releases my steam,
It rushes out of me like a flooding stream,
Sometimes a volcano needs to explode,
A rush runs over me as my mind erodes,
The light glows, My mind flows,

Chorus:
Beneath the skin,
is a mind that's pinned,
society goes about its way,
constantly my mind inside sprays and sprays,
As I attempt to erase the gray,
Just one more last thing to say,
Look at life, think, question society,
Flip every situation and release what you see

Verse 2:
You, wont allow me to drain,
my thoughts on this paper I let them rain,
A down poor,
as my mind fights a war,
The individual self is torn and torn,
My bomb tick tick, out of my lips,
An explosion that you need to grip and grip,
Hold on tight,
Super glue these words and use them right,
My point is to see beneath the face,
If you don't see that your eyes are maced,
your a disgrace,
In the end you will never see the two part side,
One minded, cant see the pride,
released when you see more than your peers,
Step up grab the mic and erase the fear,

Chorus:.......

Verse 3:
Look at me, I'm a soaring bird,
Reflecting on the thoughts that you just heard,
Released,
from my head to my feet,
The tide, no longer discrete,
It rolls from the tip of my tongue,
bottling my rage is over its done,
My lives begun,
Look at me, I'm different then the mainstream,
A man true to his word, or a ridiculous fiend,
Two sides to everything you observe,
see both of them and my message has been heard,
I am the chalk on the chalkboard,
A lesson plan that you just fast forward,
Pause, slow down, hear every word,
Look at me, I'm a soaring bird

Comments for
Slinpeal lyrics critique rap/rock song music

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Jan 04, 2009
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Correction
by: Jack

Its Skinpeal by the way not slinpeal

Jan 04, 2009
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Awesome
by: Anonymous

Just letting you know this is really good. Keep Writing

Jan 05, 2009
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very good
by: d olsen

jack your song is very good

Jan 05, 2009
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http://kingo1993.blogspot.com/
by: Jack

Sorry for commenting again but check out all my lyrics at http://kingo1993.blogspot.com/

Jan 09, 2009
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Awesome
by: Anonymous

Wow, you really know how to write and I like how you're song has a message. Keep it up

Jan 30, 2009
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amazing
by: tyler allen

wow that was amazing it all just plends together like one big word.
keep writing don't give up the dream and don't let the dream give up on you

Feb 05, 2009
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WOOW
by: Anonymous

That was amaaaaaaaazing...you are so creative and so full ideas...

Feb 17, 2009
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Wow.
by: Kerry-anne

pretty good stuff.
keep it up (:

Mar 09, 2009
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That was goood
by: Kelcy

You have a lot of talent and creativity Stay with ur dream keep it up

Mar 15, 2009
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Great
by: Anonymous

wow this song is amazing keep on writing lyrics cuz theyre great x

Apr 24, 2009
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I love it
by: ~RES~

Wow- your words are so poignant and beautifully chosen. The rhymes never get monotonous, they're very unique and creative. What I like best about your song is the message. You go from the pent up rage and "welcome to hell" part in the beginning to a beautiful ending where you show how you can break free of our sometimes over-labling kind of society.
Some ideas- in the chorus you use the word society twice. Try using something else- like maybe replace with "the world" for the first one. Also in the last verse I thought you could say "look at me, now" for those three different times- it kinda shows the journey you went through. Nice work, overall.
hm... this ended up being rather long. LOL.
:)

Apr 26, 2009
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way to improve song
by: Anonymous

its really good just you have to many lyrics just shorten it a little but besides they are great keep going.

Apr 26, 2009
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Just lettin ya know
by: Jack W

Just lettin ya know this is a rap song so if its long thats fine in the end it fits into a 3 to 4 minute song, and um i wrote this like 4 months ago so if ya wanna read my new stuff go to kingo1993.blogspot.com

May 18, 2009
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Wow
by: Kyle

That's pretty freakin' sweet(:

Jun 04, 2009
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Wow man.
by: Gage Helms

When I seen the title I was like, wth is this bull shit? Then I checked out the song, and WOW! Man you are probably one of the best song writers I have ever heard of, and as for your site, Those songs are pretty bad ass to.
Wow dude, your awesome.

ROCK ON!

Jun 25, 2009
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Quite Good
by: Anonymous

I liked this, i wish i could here what you were thinking of for the tune. If it was going to be a rock song and not a rap, i think you dont really need to rhyme every single line, sometimes i like to hear a bit of nonrhyming, but i like the whole theme and all. great job.

Jul 17, 2009
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WOW!
by: Anonymous

that was a pretty good song

Sep 04, 2009
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Great Rap
by: Dorsey Baker

I think this person is a very good
poet. I wish them much success. I believe
they will go very far

Sep 11, 2009
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good
by: Anonymous

ACTUALLY this is very well done.. i can hear the beats to this and makes it flow very well.. the rhymes are good.. i actually liked this..
i think the Chorus mind need abit of work but other then that its good..

Nov 03, 2009
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This is great!
by: Ella Gannis

Hello! These lyrics are amazing. I would like to hear the actual song, but I love the words. :) keep it up!!

Nov 04, 2009
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great
by: Cory

this is a great song and has awesome rhyme and flow

Nov 20, 2009
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wow
by: Anonymous

hi just thought i would share my view on this song its amazing well done keep it up :)

Nov 22, 2009
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Good work. Keep working...
by: Mariah Fridgen

Your well on your way but keep working. It really good really discriptive but you should think abit about who your writing to. It seems like your raging against somthing but a little unclear what. I get your against society but who else? Think about it. Really good job!!!

Jan 15, 2010
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great
by: Writer

I like this very much. the words are very cleaver and sends a clear & great message. however, im on the fence and can't decide if the words r cheesy or brilliant at times.

Jan 16, 2010
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What about the hook
by: Necus Rocus

One of the previous comments was correct about it being too long. Your a good writer, you would do well to sharpen your editing skills and chuck the mediocre. There's more than enough material and you could avoid reiterating. Listen to your 5 favorite rap/ Hip-Hop songs and pay attention to how long the chorus is. The chorus should be simple and easy to remember (by the second or third time, even the slow people) so that everyone sings along, hence the name "chorus". This is constructive critisism so I hope you take it well. I am an artist by blood and have alot of artist friends and we all take things too personaly, thin skin isn't an option. I wouldn't even have bothered to comment had it been crap. Keep up the good work, I think you would learn alot from working with a talented producer. They would force you to do things that sell, and things that sell can be great (so is the pay checks, my wife and I were just talking about how lil Wayne and TI were going to be making more money in prison than the ward

Jan 29, 2010
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Lyrics really moved me
by: Anonymous

Wow...lots of great lyrics; deep and thought provoking. I just started song writing so I feel I can't give you the best critique but in my opinion I would change the chorus slightly. Take out the entire line "...my mind inside sprays and sprays" You don't need it. Omit the second "society" and leave the verse ending with "Question" and the next line should end with "Situation" and then the last line "And release what you see"

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