"Shattered Skies Lyrics Critique - Punk

Not very good i know, but let me know what you think...
think like a Rise Against type of song


Verse I

Well I'm not sure how to tell you
but i knew since i first saw your face
our eyes locked for a moment in a rapture of the sky.

Pre-Chorus

So I sat down, wrote a simple tune
and hoped that one day you might find
the longing that lives in my eyes.

Chorus

Because i'm falling through the clouds today
but my parachute is broken and i've nothing left to say
And as i'm falling through these shattered skies
i hear the voices say, everything will be ok
you'll be ok.

Verse II

As the clock was nearing midnight
and my weary eyelids start to close
i heard your sweet voice ringing through the shadows of the night.

Pre-Chorus

So I sat down, wrote a simple tune
and hoped that one day you might find
the longing that lives in my eyes

Chorus

Because i'm falling through the clouds today....
"(same as first chorus, you get the idea)"

Bridge

But now the earth is rising from below
I choke on ash as i fall through clouds of smoke
i'm out of time, and if you don't feel the same
then let me go, let me go.

Chorus and ending

Because i'm falling through the clouds today
but my parachute is broken and i've nothing left to say
And as i'm falling through these shattered skies
i hear the voices say-

I'm falling through the clouds today
and now our hands are coupled tightly
and i know i'll be ok
And as you pull me from these shattered skies
i hear the voices say,
everything will be ok...