Saying Goobye - Lyrics Critique

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Saying Goobye - Lyrics Critique

by Derek Spitzer
(St. Marys, WV, United States)

Verse 1:
So there we were sitting by the bay.
Thinking about what we had to say.
saying goodbye was my foremost regret.
by myself watching the sun rays first set.

Chorus:
I never knew how bad my heart would melt.
But after we were through I found out how it felt.
It was like a thousand daggers in my heart.
I can't see how we fell apart.
someday I know that i'll find my one.
But to me I believed that she was my one.

Verse 2:
I woke up the next day by the bay.
Our last month was over now it's May.
My birth-days next month and I feel so alone.
Cause past nights we used to stay up on the phone.
God please help me through this hard time.
And help get my feelings out in this rhyme.

Chorus two:
I never knew how bad my heart would melt.
But after we were through I found out how it felt.
It was like a thousand daggers in my heart.
I can't see how we feel apart.
Someday I know that i'll find my one.
But to me I believed that she was my one.

Verse 3:
So now were friends and we've moved on.
Mistakes remembered of how we were torn.
We're both with someone else but I still dream.
Of our old late nights and your blue eyes gleam.
Sometimes I can't sleep and lay back and sigh.
And wonder why me and you had to say goodbye.

Comments for
Saying Goobye - Lyrics Critique

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Oct 04, 2009
Rating

good
by: Anonymous

good

Oct 22, 2009
Rating

Good SONG!
by: writer/drummer/siu-e

loved it. kind of reminds me of my old relationship. thanks for publishing. music really helps you get through stuff ya know?!

Nov 03, 2009
Rating

Good job!
by: Ella Gannis

I like this a lot!! great job.

Nov 13, 2011
Rating

Edited version of 'Saying Goodbye.'
by: Anonymous

I think what you have is a good start. But there's a lot to be improved on in my opinion. But what you have is decent. I wouldn't have wasted my time editing it if it wasn't.

The first verse is incomplete. It's not as long as the others and confusing as it jumps from her being there to her not being there.

I didn't like the bit were you talk about what month it is because it's irrelevant to the story and seems like 'May' is only there to fit the rhyme.

I also changed a few words that felt awkward or unnatural.

I hope this is helpful. Take it or leave it (:

So there we were sitting by the bay.
Thinking about what we had to say.
As the words came out tears streamed down my face.
I'd lost someone I could never replace.
Sitting alone watching our last sunset
My heart was already filled with regret.

Chorus:
I never knew a heart could melt.
But once we were through I found out how it felt.
It was like a thousand daggers in my heart.
I still can't see how we fell apart.
someday, somehow, I know i'll find someone.
But to me I believed that she was the one.

Verse 2:
I woke up the next day still by the bay.
She was gone, but the (sadness/heartache/etc) remained.
My birth-days next month and I feel so alone
when I think back to the nights we'd stay up on the phone.
God please help me through this hard time.
And help get my feelings out of this rhyme.

Verse 3:
So now were just friends, and as time moves on
the mistakes we made shape who we've become.
We're both with someone else but I still dream
of all the things we could have been.
Sometimes I can't sleep and I can't help but sigh
when I wonder why we had to say goodbye.

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