Retina Arson - songwriting critique

by Jack Age 15
(Northfield, MN)

Nuts and bolts piece together sky scraper,
Elevator rise as I scribble on paper,
Inspiration sparks from puncturing art,
The mind shoots determination from the heart,
Voice blocked by hard wood knocking,
Public's wish children keep on walking,
No freedom of speech, just freedom of thought,
Brick muzzles the mouth as these lyrics talk,
Produce a reanimation of the public self,
Sharing my ambitions, spreading the mind wealth,
Gallery of unidentified mental objects,
Viruses contaminated from fat pockets.
Sand prints leave this man behind,
Play performance shows the restricting times,
Acting out, rioting, protesting words,
If not expressed will cause the throat to purge,
Acid and spit mixing a symphony of angst,
Forcing hibernation to seize, timeless fate,
Choreograph the next world war three,
The mind and a paper to invade robotic disease,
Kleenex wipes green agony,
Crying out eyes read the calligraphy ,
The writing on the wall carved for all to ponder,
Stray mammals with cracked skulls sewn heal stronger,
Teeth chatter the gossip of a blood stained shirt,
Rotting from the pain, Lynched from work,
Sleep, Death or hibernation,
Brains burn there foot steps, premature cremation,

Chorus:
Flesh ripping, Red veins dripping,
Sick of endless whippings, F bomb is ticking,
Mind will erode from liquid brain tissue,
Rock remains sturdy for X amount of issues,
Misuse,
Lost truth,
Human decapitation mental abuse

Verse 2:
Tsunami, rippling affect,
Bury on cripple, holes dig the rest,
Massacre the two faces of humanity,
Nation of minds need a cast to see,
Trail of bread crumbs, answer leads to truth,

Filling in the rotting brown cavities tooth,
Flailing ligaments up in arms over words,
Fear of a bruise from a trampling herd,
Livestock feed, Live strong, live well,
Men with the magnified glass are to burn in hell,
One nation is its own dictatorship,
I point the third bird the president of leather whips,
No positive or negative, eyes don't stray,
From a trail of knee high mud of gray,
Piranhas gnaw at the ankles of the Eiffel tower,
Not allowing the fist of man to rise to power,
Why rip my words when your brain stalls,
Army instantaneously from the peek of man falls,
Metal grinding, pocket burning hands,
Knee locks in place as my body fights to stand

Chorus: ....

Verse 3:
ABC, the out casted number Z,
Needles of shun impale the skin of me,
Numerous eyes, swatted like flies,
Hypocritical lies, Dropped from the cliff high,
Police batons connect with facial tissue,
Mental misuse, IQ and issues,
Wanted crook by the cops of disgrace,
To trip the shoe that you forget to lace,
Boxes encase me, Ear plugs haze me,
Eyes erase me, But this rhyme can face me,
Pebble among rocks,
Mouse among fox,
Error and corruption between the locks,
Place me in a discriminated hatred state,
A state of mind, paper key to open the crate,
Dispersing what makes the retinas ignite,
The difference between chains and what is right,
The foot that steps forward when the white flag waves,
Creating the only mind not choking on the dirt in the graves