Perfect Girl, R&B

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Perfect Girl, R&B

by Luke Harrison
(Exmouth, Devon,England)

This is the 4th song i have wrote now. Please comment and rate so i can improve were possible. Thank you.

Perfect Girl

Verse 1:

I woke up one day like any other day
I got ready for work to get some pay
I walked out of the door
And I couldn't believe what i saw

Chorus:

She amazes you in every way possible
The way she is perfect, its almost impossible
I cant help the way that i feel about her
The smile i get when i see her always seems to occur
People call her the perfect girl
Shes so precious just like a pearl

Verse 2:

I was so amazed that this girl was at my door
I was so shocked i almost fell down to the floor
It was my lucky day that this girl was here for me
How lucky could i really be

Chorus:

She amazes you in every way possible
The way she is perfect, its almost impossible
I cant help the way that i feel about her
The smile i get when i see her always seems to occur
People call her the perfect girl
Shes so precious just like a pearl

Verse 3:

This was the day that changed my life forever
I hope this will last forever and not end ever
I love her and i really hope that she loves me to
Please stay with me and be my boo

Chorus:

She amazes you in every way possible
The way she is perfect, its almost impossible
I cant help the way that i feel about her
The smile i get when i see her always seems to occur
People call her the perfect girl
Shes so precious just like a pearl

Bridge:

This is my message to you
If theres a girl you love you must pursue
Try your best and you will succeed
Try your best and you will proceed

Comments for
Perfect Girl, R&B

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Nov 14, 2008
Rating

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

ok i am sooooo amazed with your skills! this song rocks! i feel the exact way but its about a guy....i am a girl...lol :P i hope some day i can write songs like this...i am in the middle of an awesome one right now, but i cant get the tune right... :( I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS SONG THOUGH...ITS TOO GOOD! i wish you the best of luck with the song writing and keep up the good work!

Dec 23, 2008
Rating

very good
by: d olsen

i really like your song it is very good

Jan 02, 2009
Rating

Uhm...
by: Anonymous

The main thing about this song is that it's a total cliche that needs to be rephrased.
You CAN work a cliche, but the way you're doing it, blunt and graceless, is not the way.

"I was so amazed that this girl was at my door
I was so shocked i almost fell down to the floor
It was my lucky day that this girl was here for me
How lucky could i really be"

Could be something very different. Example:

"It happened the moment I stepped out my door
When I saw her there, I almost hit the floor
There was no way this girl could be here for me
But she was; how much luckier could I be?"

Okay, that was cruddy, but that was a three-second shot at a less cliche, less repetitive look at how the song could be.

Don't get me wrong- your writing chops are good. The song has a lot of potential. But you just need to rework it. You know? Keep writing, and you'll get even better. nn

Another verse I'd consider changing is this:

"This was the day that changed my life forever
I hope this will last forever and not end ever
I love her and i really hope that she loves me to
Please stay with me and be my boo"

This is simply confusing for the listeners-- Who are you talking to, the girl, or the audience? Mixed messages here. Here's another possibility:

"This day, I know, can change my life forever
But I can only hope that we'll end up together
This love is sudden but I know it's real
And maybe someday it's her heart I'll steal"

Or something like that. =)

Hope this helped!

Oct 29, 2009
Rating

cool
by: Anonymous

it sort of sounds like a rap song to me and if you have found magic island plz tell me im lookiing every for it { i wrote it] im trying to see if theres any feed backs

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