Moon Lyrics Critique - Rock/Metal song - Need help with mostly... everything!

by Moon
(Portugal)

Hi! I'm starting a band, in which I'll be drummer and song writer. The genre will by something like Metal/Hard Rock. I wil here post 3 lyrics from which I expect honest opinions and constructive critique.

Title: “Breeders of Decay”
You want to be good,
I want to be real
And cause no pain
To those who actually feel,
I wanna understand the inside,
Cause outside you feel just fine

I wanna be cold,
You want not to care
I wanna be held
Even if by thin air

Here I am my friend,
Explain to me again
Why you’re so much better than me,
Take you in my head,
Lay you in my bed,
Until I feel like I’m free

You need to be strong,
I need to be vulnerable,
I don’t want to be ordinary,
Without wanting to be extraordinary

I want you to be hurt,
I want you to be bound,
I want you to scream
And not hear a sound!

Here I am my friend,
Explain to me again
Why you’re so much better than me,
Take you in my head,
Lay you in my bed,
Until I feel like I’m free

I don’t have a head
I don’t need a bed,
I think enough is said:
I’m you and I’m dead!


“Poet of Evil” – Based on the Death Note Anime

Oh, all my hate cannot be found
I will not be bound
By you bunch of fools
And I, really hope to take you down,
See you to the ground
I will hear you pleading

Running through the power
Of my brains, I see
Scarlet Roses
Lying asleep
Grown, grown, grown


I’d like to see you do something,
A blue orchid,
Come on, write a name
And get the glory and fame
I wanna kill you for your
Threatening me
And all I need to know
Is your name, name, name

And oh, all my hate cannot be found
I will not be bounded
By you bunch of fools
And I, really hope to take you down,
Write you in my song
I will hear you pleading!

(change of tempo – slow)
Oooh, I sing,
I try to sing
No, my dreams
Can’t bare, such screams,
I’m gonna write you down!

And oh, all my hate cannot be found
I will not be bound
By you bunch of fools
And I, really hope to take you down,
Write you in my song
I will hear you pleading!



“Salvaged Souls”

One could say
That one of these days
Death would come to live
As angels fell down
And Satan took his new-won crown

If you listen for silent,
You’ll find a secret
And you’ll find an evangelist
Is really an evil’s agent

If you find astronomers as moon starers
You need to look harder,
When you think desperation,
You think a rope ends it
Beware for when your love says Darling says I love you
For it’s only avoiding your yell

If you listen for silent,
You’ll find a secret
And you’ll find an evangelist
Is really an evil’s agent

If you believe a domestic animal
Is docile as man tamed it,
You may also believe that the detectives
Actually detect thieves

Please God save us all,
For we are only salvaged souls