Marc "?" Lyrics Critique

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Marc "?" Lyrics Critique

by Marc
(Ohio)

It is not completely finished, I am working on a bridge, but this it what I have so far. I don't have a name for this yet, I could use a little help. As for the genre, I am not sure if it should be Rock or Country. It sounds like it could be crossed over from either. Let me know.

Verse 1
I wish you could see me cause I am so lost with out you,
Since you left I just don't know what to do.
I have walked a thousand miles and your still not there,
And I'm starting to think you just don't care.

Chours
I keep lying to myself, saying its for the best.
I keep telling myself that it only a test.
I'm sick of crying, tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying.

Verse 2
I need you cause I'm so alone without you,
And since you left I have no one to run to.
I've walked so much, I don't know what is real
I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel

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Marc "?" Lyrics Critique

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Jan 06, 2010
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i love it
by: Sarah

i love it but i agree it is hard to name. maybe something like "walking alone" because you said i walked a thousand miles and your still not there or maybe somehting like " your not there" i don't really know i thouhgt id just help. do you have any thoughts about the tune or guitars parts? i really likr the style of this songs writing!

Jan 06, 2010
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thanks
by: Anonymous

Thank you, I think "not there" works pretty good for it. I really haven't started on music for this yet, I am working on music another of songs i posted on her called "Fake Smile" (Check it out if you want to.) This one is next though.

Mar 10, 2010
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i like it
by: Kayla

I really like this. It is very hard to name. I like the line only a test or sometihng like that but i dont know. Enjoy your day! I hope you come up with something!

May 09, 2010
Rating

good
by: Writer

This is off to a great start, no lie. it has a natural flow to it when u read it, which makes it easy to read and the reader is really into it. good luck with the music and finishing it, im looking forward to seeing the final touches.

Jun 12, 2010
Rating

lying to myself
by: Anonymous

the song is good I actaully name the song lying to myself.

Aug 17, 2010
Rating

show dont tell
by: Mary

Dear Marc,
Here is a tip from one songwriter to another. I've never been published so take it with a grain of salt. Been writing though for awhile.

SHOW the loss, SHOW the longing. Don't just tell it.
Every great song has an image or two in it that the listener can get a mental image picture of.

On lines, make sure you have the same number of syllables. If not, your music is gonna be forced.

Don't be trite on the chorus. This is your show stopper. example: words that mean or are similar to dying - wilting, crumbling, decaying, etc. Power is in the ACTION. The ACTION sticks with the listener.

Name: Testing, Testing. one more time.

Best Regards,
Mary

Nov 07, 2010
Rating

Good start
by: Anonymous

good lyrics.

Maybe " Leaving me" is a good title!

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