"Make Me Smile" lyric critique

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"Make Me Smile" lyric critique

by Emms
(USA)

(note: I put commas where there would be a pause in the music, not for any specific grammatical purpose).

The rumors hurt,
they cut us deep.
They cut apart all,
the memories that we made.

You left me then.
You said goodbye.
You told me you didn't
need me in your life.

You said don't call.
You said it's done.
But now in the dark
I only see your eyes...

I love you,
I need you,
You're the only one
who can make me,
make me smile.

I love you,
I need you,
You're the only one
who can make me,
make me smile.

I've lost control.
I just can't stop myself,
from crying out your name!

I can't be,
all on my own.
I lose myself when you aren't
there to say...

I love you.
I need you,
You're the only one
who can make me,
make me,
smile.

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"Make Me Smile" lyric critique

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Apr 09, 2011
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Mere Feedback
by: Jessie

I give you a low rating with the hope that you don't hate me for it.

Songwriters, all too often, feel pressure to write not from other people, but from themselves. I'm guilty of it right now. I feel like I have something to say, but I'm in such a hurry that all my lyrics are inevitably terrible.

Lyrics have to make you feel something, and not in the wow-that-was-deep sense. The words of a song should reverberate to the depths of your very soul. I can tell from this song that you have a story to tell, so don't hold back. Some of your heart should bleed onto the paper. When someone reads the words of a sad song, you'll know if you've plucked a heartstring. They won't say anything at first. And after a sigh, they might say, "Whoah. Just... Wow." That's when you know, you've done it right.

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