Endless - Lyrics Critique

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Endless - Lyrics Critique - Rock/Pop

by Cameron T
(Auckland, NZ)

Hi Guys...this is a song i am working on at the moment. I am struggling with the chorus..Any Ideas?
The lyrics for the chorus are just there to give the song its intended meaning but feel free to let me know how you think the chorus should go..Im a bit stuck!

Copyright © 2008 - Cameron T

Verse 1 :

Hit me if I'm dreaming,
Need a bit, reality
At every point I'm holding,
Only, aparently
Just on the edge with one finger of two.
Calculating the risk, of what you would do.
If I showed you how....

Chorus :

I never like to cry,
This is endless in my mind
I always find a way out,
Is it endless this time?
I dont want to carry on unless..
This is Endless

Verse 2 :

Tell me, the whole story
Not just only, what you want me to hear
Now that youve got me
Under your spell
Under your hand
.................................................

Let me know what you think...
Keep in mind im not happy with the chorus or the end of the second verse...
Any suggestions would be great!!

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Endless - Lyrics Critique - Rock/Pop

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Oct 28, 2008
Rating

nice
by: Anonymous

i think it's a little vague...
absract lyrics are good, don't get me wrong, but sometimes if you overstretch the vagueness no one understands your story and point of view.
i like the direction, though!!! :)

Oct 28, 2008
Rating

.
by: Cam T

I spose thats what happens when you dont start with a specific subject or chorus line and just write about your feelings.

Oct 28, 2008
Rating

Hmmmm
by: Sweetie

Hmmmmm, I am not show what ur story is about but I think it's astrab, and it's difficult to reflect to it.

But what do you think about this:

Here goes my story
I am always worry
Always far away from reality
Keep on dreaming about things that don't come through

ohhhhh ooooooooooo ohhhhhhhh

(it's just a part (bit) of my endless story
there's more to be told but I am just not bold
I keep on riding on the same road
It's such a load
yeah, who doesn't know)

And to be true
you're one of the key person in my dream
No one will believe that, I dream about you
'Cuz I am just another ordinary bratz

My endless stories are all inside of me
And that's the way it's meant to be
you will never know how I feel
Unless you can take off the glasses you've got now, than you'll probably see
Until then it will all be inside of me
And beside you don't care so it's no big deed

They say I am boring
Treat me like trash
'Cuz they get all the cash
If only they knew all the endless stories that can't be told, 'cuz I am not bold than they'll know
But until then it's gonna be like this

You're aways with a rose
If only one could be for me
Than the tears won't run down my cheeks

(It's just something I wrote after I read ur lyrics, but if u wanna use it u can get to me at tiemai_love@hotmail.com, by the way it's not yet finish. And I don't think it's in order. I would like to be your friend, if it's alright with you. I love to write lyrics and I probably write lyrics everyday, yeah u can say am crazy lol. I write all the time it sometimes it doesn't have to make sense or think about what other people think, but what matters is you think about your lyrics.)

Nov 09, 2008
Rating

...
by: Anonymous

I have to agree thisis a bit vague, but I'm not trying to criticize; I have the same problem. I see what you're trying to do but if you have a more specific story to this it would be easier to relate to. I really like what you're working torwards, I'd just grow on that if i were you

Nov 25, 2008
Rating

Smells like Nirvana
by: Jake

If this is more a Nirvana sound, great, but if not(and I don't think it is) you must be clear about what it is you're talking about. People need to be able to relate to a pop song, or else they find it boring. Check out my song, "Time" and tell me what you think!!!

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