Candy Girl Lyrics Critique - Alternative

by Shawn
(Gainesville, Fla, USA)

This is a song I have been working on for two days along with a antoher song at the same time. It kinda got my attention when I heard my chick friends say it was "cute" and my guy friends kept saying "Find a girl and give it to her!" So I found this site jsut today and decided this would help me a lot. And just to get this out of the way: No I haven't found a girl I like or inspired this song... yet @_@ and yes, I know its NOT FINISHED yet, I want some feedback before I continue.


I see you there, your soft hair flowin' in the breeze
I see you there, your lovely eyes lookin' back at me
I see you there, your cherry lips I want to kiss
I want you here, I think I'm ready to ask you
Will you be my candy girl? My sweet-n-sour candy girl?

Your flamin-hot body is a sexy fantasy
And your personality is the flavor for me
Complete my life, I promise you won't regret it
I'll treat you life the princesse of the entire planet
Oh, won't you be my candy girl?

I see you there, your smile really turns me on
I see you there, I've waited for you for so long
I see you there, your the girl of my dreams
I see you there, lets get away just you and me
I want you here, I really want an answer
Will you be my candy girl? My sugar giving candy girl?

Everything you do is a mystery
I wonder in your head that makes you feel so free
Doesn't really matter to me right now
Cause when we are holding hands the truth will come out

I see you there, arousing me with your charm
I see you there, there is no way I can keep so calm
I see you there, the moonlight is shineing just right
I see you there, does the situation feel alright?
I want you here, I despratly want an answer
Will you be my candy girl? my loli-popin' candy girl?




Like I said, I know its not finished. I want some feedback before I do anything elese with it.