Can I make a difference? Lyrics Discussion

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Can I make a difference? Lyrics Discussion

by hadassah
(california )

Okay, so I know that I am far from done but here is the first verse and the chorus. I really want feedback on this!!! I have written songs since I was little and some of them not so good....some better....but none absolutely awesome... I just want to know how i'm doing so far on this one...

Can I Make a Difference?

don't do well under stress
am i trying too hard to do my best
lay my head on my pillow at night
can't get things to turn out right
so i fall asleep when i can no longer stand
dreaming my dreams
don't wanna wake up again

I realize life is not a fantasy
but do i dare to face reality?
It's just the world is such a scary place
Don't want my life to go to waste
can i make a difference?

Comments for
Can I make a difference? Lyrics Discussion

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 17, 2011
Rating

A good beginning
by: Danierla

Well I think you have a good theme for the song you want to write. However you have to finish it, and then go through it over and over again to find out if you have a melody. Sometimes it is only after you have gone through writing everything that you may be able to know if what you have makes any sense. So my opinion is that you have the ingredients but then you need to cook the meal. I may have a different opinion all together when it is all done and ready. Good beginning that is what I think.

Apr 21, 2011
Rating

song construction needs work
by: jon bek

Hello Hadassah

First of all my friend, you need to visit your local library, look for a book on songwriting, in that book you’ll find out how to construct song verses, and it will also tell you how to use logical progression with your lyrics, in other word how to make your song, just sound conversational instead of the way it is a present, at the moment your song lacks the logical progression it needs to sound like normal conversation.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Songwriters Lyric Feedback