As Long As I Can Lyrics Critique

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As Long As I Can Lyrics Critique - R&B Song

by Robert Touchton

As Long As I Can

What I wouldn't give,
Just to feel your arms around me.
What I wouldn't do,
Just to hear you say you love me.
I've been sleeping alone,
For too many nights.
What I want right now,
Is for you to be in my life.

I'll wait for you as long as I can,
But I can't wait forever for you to be my man.
As long as I can, I'll put it all on hold,
'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold.
Baby I will love you as long as I can.

What I wouldn't give,
Just to be lying next to you.
What I wouldn't do,
Just to tell you I love you.
No matter what comes,
I'm gonna be here for you.
I pray that this time,
That I can get it right with you.

I'll wait for you as long as I can,
But I can't wait forever for you to be my man.
As long as I can, I'll put it all on hold,
'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold.
Baby I will love you as long as I can.

I'm not going to waste my life,
Just sitting on the sidelines.
I'm gonna give my all.
I'd rather love and watch us fall,
That to have never tried anything at all.
Baby give us just one chance.

I'll wait for you as long as I can,
But I can't wait forever for you to be my man.
As long as I can, I'll put it all on hold,
'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold.
Baby I will love you as long as I can.
I'll wait for you as long as I can,
But I can't wait forever for you to be my man.
As long as I can, I'll put it all on hold,
'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold.
Baby I will love you as long as I can.

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As Long As I Can Lyrics Critique - R&B Song

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Feb 27, 2009
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real life
by: d olsen

your song really sounds like a real life story

Feb 27, 2009
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real life
by: d olsen

your song really sounds like a real life story

Mar 09, 2009
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Hmmm,
by: Anonymous

It was good. I'd have to hear your idea for a tuen to get a good idea, but for now, the only thing I would say is that you might want to change this line:
'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold

Maybe to something like:

I'd wanna be the buyer and your love would be sold

or maybe:

And I'll wait for our story to be told

But besides that, great job!

Apr 19, 2009
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Great work
by: Anonymous

I think this is great. Sounds very authentic and as if you lived it. Nice

May 01, 2009
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Very good song
by: Anonymous

This is a very good song. it relates to me right now, actually, it fits pretty good. Keep writing!

May 09, 2009
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Nice job!
by: Anonymous

I think you've done a really good job! Keep up the good work!

May 10, 2009
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Really good!
by: Anonymous

good as anything iv heard
keep it up x

Jun 04, 2009
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Sweet
by: Lakee

Its a very sweet song. Keep writing! Just go over it. I think that there were some typos.

Jun 08, 2009
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Cool
by: Aris

Good lyrics
very good work

Jul 27, 2009
Rating

Review
by: Writer

This is probally the best song i have read on here. The lines flow easily one after another, there's ryms, and it's a freat idea of a song. It builds character and sympothy.

Looking foward to reading more of UR songs,
The Writer

Aug 07, 2009
Rating

Great!
by: Anonymous

I agree about the "I'd wait forever to for us to fit in that mold" or smt like that line. I'd try to change it it's kind of strange
But I rly like the overall mood of the lyrics they're rly sweet.
What I REALLY praise you on is that whether you realize it yourself or not the very first two lines really grab people's attention. It's an image everyone has when they like someone, they all fantasize about being in their arms and those two lines rly grabbed my attention and affected my mood and everything. So I rly praise you on that.

Aug 17, 2009
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I agree about the line
by: Lonnie

It really grabbed me right from the start, but I agree about the line " fitting the mold" I would try something like " And I'll hold to this dream that burns deep in my soul. good song keep up the good work

Aug 24, 2009
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fabo!!
by: Anon

wow its reli gud!!
I love it =]
totally suits me ryt now 2 tbh lolz
bt yea i agree bout dat line change from 'Cause I'd rather wait for us to fit in that mold' to 'And I'll wait for our story to be told' - i think datd fit nicely =]
part from dat FANTASTIC piece of writing. well done hehe

Sep 04, 2009
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Very emotional
by: Dorsey Baker

I think could be a good song
with some more rewriting.
I think the writer is letting
too much emotion control the pen.
I would say just keep on writing

Sep 10, 2009
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Great song
by: Dorsey Baker

I think you did a great job. I like your form.

Oct 17, 2009
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The song has some promise
by: The Old Man

If you're like me, any time you write something it becomes your creation. It is almost like your child; and therefore it is difficult to accept criticism. We want to think we got it just right and that no one could improve on it. But when we put something out there to be critiqued, We must be open to the thoughts of others. Those thoughts can show both the strengths and weaknesses of your efforts.

Overall, the song has promise. I am a bit confused as to the relationship of the girl to the guy. In the beginning, it gives the feeling that this girl is hoping to develop a relationship with someone she is attracted to, but has not had a relationship with before. But later she is talking about getting it right this time; and I am unsure if she is saying they had a relationship in the past that went sour; or did that concern a different relationship.

Also, you say you'll be there for him no matter what comes, but in your chorus you say you won't wait forever. These two thoughts seem to be at odds with each other.

I would rework the entire chorus, especially the 3rd and 4th lines. What is she putting on hold? And the "mold" line, as most others say, needs work. If you redo line three with something other than ending in hold, then you will have other rhyming options besides "mold"

Good Luck, Hope to see the re-worked edition soon

The old man

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